I just got married to a wonderful woman who is crazy enough to put up with my sauciness (among other things). Yay for me! However, that is not what I want to blog about.
What the hell is up with wedding food and, more importantly, what the hell is up with wedding food expectations? My wife and I have probably been to 50 weddings in the last 5 years and we (subconsciously or not) began to catalog the cuisine we experienced. We realized that one of the most important reflections on us at our wedding was going to be the food.
Let’s establish one thing, we are not food snobs! We don’t scoff at the wedding buffet line or turn up our noses at mastacoli and green beans just because they are mastacoli and green beans. Hell no! However, if the green beans are soggy, mushy and resemble something in texture a baby frog monster would defecate and the mastocoli breaks apart at the bite and has absolutely no seasoning then I catalog this as a “non-memorable meal”. I try to forget the bad and focus on the good, the “memorable meals”. Anyway, after all this field research we thought we had decided on what we wanted at our own celebration, only to be confronted with a non-sensical wall of doubt brought on by tradition and outdated etiquette by various members of our families (mostly mine!)
So, my wife and I fought back and ran UP the hill. It worked and people were happy, including us! To anyone planning a wedding, don’t be swayed by the MYTHs. Don’t let Aunty Coral or Uncle Rex or your mom’s friend at work dictate to you what HAS to happen at YOUR wedding. Behold the 7 Myths of Old, and watch as I cut and chop and crane kick through the smoky haze of assumption.
myth 1: you have to please everyone but yourself with the food
What! This is the largest fallacy of them all! You not hosting a dinner party, you are getting married! This is one of the most important and memorable day(s) of your lives! The imperative customers are the bride and groom. Think about that, ponder it, because this is a concept (in my experience) that the older generation doesn’t quite understand. Case and point, Carrie and I wanted to have a memorable and non-traditional meal at our reception (lamb and duck). The backlash from our family was quite unexpected. We didn’t want to do steak or chicken and we never waivered.
Duck confit with lamb tenderloin medallions
The amazing thing was that after all the concerns, complaints, couched suggestions, subtle hints and outright freakouts, the guests LOVED the meal, not because it was lamb and duck, but because it was done well! People who had never had either of these proteins, or had bad experiences with them, had their palates blasted with something new and something MEMORABLE. We still have people come up to us and say things like:
“Wow, I can’t believe I like lamb/duck!”
or
“Holy shit, that was duck/lamb? I would have NEVER ordered that!”
or (my favorite)
“I always thought that I hated lamb/duck. but ever since your wedding meal I have been aching to have it again somewhere”
myth 2: the more expensive the food, the better it is
False, false, FALSE!!! We’ve been to weddings that cost well into the 6 figures and I’ve never had a dryer, blander piece of salmon. it was like pink cardboard with water sauce. The presentation was ok, but I want some TASTE! . We’ve also been to buffet style weddings where the jerk pasta was seasoned well, textured well and had flavor that smacked the taste out of my mouth! That’s why I had to keep on going back to get more.
Some suggestions for determining your wedding meal
1. Make a list of foods that you both love and show prospective catering candidates, see how they react.
2. Write down names of caterers that you’ve been impressed with at different events.
3. Go to your favorite restaurant and ask the chef who he/she recommends in a particular price range.
4. Go with a company that EMBRACES the idea of creativity.
5. Make sure that you taste a sample of their food before signing on the dotted line! After you sign make sure that you taste your meal and offer suggestions. Don’t be scared, be aggressive!
myth 3: food has to have a common theme
We had an appetizer area and below are some of the things we featured:
- Creole Crabcakes with mango remoulade
- Mozzarella Caprese skewers with balsamic vinaigrette
- Italian meat and cheese spread
- Thai Spring rolls with ginger scallion sauce, spicy mustard and sweet/sour plum sauce
- 3 cheese brushetta with garlic aioli
Plate of appetizers
What do all these things have in common? One thing, Carrie and love them all! I submit to you that variety done well at a wedding has a higher success rate than one particular style of food. Themes are fine too, but don’t feel like everything has to match. Be playful and have fun with your food.
myth 4: all the guests are happy with buffet lines @ weddings
Again, there is nothing wrong with buffet lines. Like I’ve said, buffet food done right can be a beautiful thing. Just as, buffet food done wrong can be a complete disaster!! Just remember, if you are having a moderately large wedding, you may want to have MULTIPLE buffet lines. Tables should finish their food around 10-20 minutes of each other. There is nothing worse than just sitting down with your food when the first round of tables have been done eating for an hour or more. Guests will get cranky, especially if the bar is closed during dinner!
myth 5: you have to have a wedding cake (even if you don’t like cake)
Again, some like to gently push tradition, we like to kick it in the balls and send it a bill. Tradition exists for a basis, a rough model of the way something is “supposed” to be. The reason that the father of the bride gives the away his daughter to the groom is actually based on the “tradition” of treating a woman as property that the father was giving to his son-in-law. I am not saying that the giving away the bride is not a beautiful moment in modern times exchanged between father and daughter, but it came from murkier waters (like the dollar dance). Anyway, Carrie and I thought the cutting of the cake was a blatant waste of time. Time that could be spent by our guests doing other, cooler, things. We also despised the obligatory cake-smashed-in-mouth feeding of each other. So we eliminated the cake, but had a kick-ass dessert buffet of various crème brules, tarts and decadent morsels. This little trick will obviously only work if both the bride and groom are of a like mind. Just remember, if you both don’t like cake, let them eat pie (or something else not cake-like)!
myth 6: big portions are the bomb, y’all!
Hells yeah, I got a leg, a breast, a thigh, lasagna, taters, green beans, gravy, steak and turkey on my plate, playa! It weighed ten pounds and I only ate half, but…. wait, now I can’t move!
Don’t be fooled by the big portion sell. Remember, you want your guests to be fed, not gorged! Guests with 10 pounds of Turducken in their gullet probably won’t get up and do the hustle. A wedding is like Thanksgiving with rings and dancing. The calorie count is OBSCENELY high. Keep the portions small to medium size and try to offer fresh veggies somewhere to cleanse the palette and keep the meal lite.
myth 7: long unfed breaks between the ceremony and the reception are ok
Nope, not ok! Most guests don’t eat before the ceremony and most ceremonies are pretty long. Have the apps ready to go when the guests arrive to the reception site. Remember, provide them with a variety of normal size portions to whet their appetite for dinner. I am a big proponent of serving a salad or soup during the speeches and toasts.
When the bright ray of light known as marriage finally shines through to your cubbyhole, expect the storm cloud of food myths hovering in the distance. These bad boys will pop up when least expected and when they do remember that: (1) Someone actually married The Sauced Chef and (2) He says a myth-free, fullfilling and exciting celebration is absolutely possible!
Bottom Line: The Bride and Groom must be happy!
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